Lyrics IA - lost time memory

Years run by and I’m living with your shadow
Feeling more everyday that goes by
I sit alone as I draw away thoughts in my mind

Fight the sun down a hilly road before us
The hazy shape of a boy and a girl
The rays give way stabbing holes of the heat in my eyes

“Why don’t you butt out?”
“Disappear and never come back!”
Brushing off the hand that helped me

“I won’t leave you”
You were firmly yelling
Grabbing to the hand that I held back

“You’re annoying”
Moving away to walk ahead and
Never looking back as I leave you
Was it the real you that I knew?

Lesson learned, I don’t need to turn the page of
My life goes on, so I’ll rot away here
A time machine turning back to the day would be nice

Years fly by but I’m living, ‘fraid of dying
And drawing out hopes of “maybe someday”
Though I know that I am never to see you again

Don’t wonder why, wanna die, wanna die
Grabbing my own hand, cursing it to hell as I sat there
Not a thing I can do might as well
Live it up while I’m still alive and I’m breathing

In this midsummer dream maybe see
The younger me that I was playing before you flew free
Back in the days where I had hid in the haze
But slowly running ablaze and burning red in my brain

18 years, a boy no longer
To wait for her to fall from somewhere
Remembering the figures blurring in the
Summer in a heart beat

Fight the sun in desert school grounds
A smile from ear to ear, it resounds
“Why don’t we play a game?”
Another round as you go ‘round

“You okay?” with a worried kind of wail
Things like you wouldn’t ever get me
“You act so sad, but it’s all just an act in the end”

Today’s a haze, better become apathetic
Keep up the pace I had yesterday ‘cuz
I don’t want your heat to ever leave like in my sleep

If I can’t dream, you and me… that I’ll see…and we will be so…
Rather hold the past than to let go
Never wake or I’ll break from the shaking
Outside world that tried to reject me

“But you can’t see the day break again without tomorrow”
As if I would care in slightest
Running by all these arid days that I’d kill just so they’d go away
Yes, I’d rather be all alone!

18 years and kind no longer
He cried to god but can’t get stronger
Reaching out both his hands to hold to
Such a pretty smile he can’t take

Fighting suns in such a small town
“Oh god why can’t you free me somehow?!”
Suddenly every sigh I tried to breathe was stopping now

No can’t go back
(That summer day)
It hurts so bad
(Don’t ever touch)
Or it might break

A voice is calling out “Can you hear me?” disappearing
Somehow now clear, aah so that’s the reason
Midsummer night dreams and I reach out a hand through the haze

Cry to god, a boy, no stronger
And in those days he stood, no falter
A summer smile I won’t remember
No, it stays the same forever

“Guess I died. And I’m so sorry”
Goodbye’s too sad and way too lonely
Oh god, no, don’t you say that you’re leaving
Oh no don’t leave me!

I finally know those hazy figures
Were just looking for this “me”